


flowers blooming in winter nights

by chariiots



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Genderbending, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 12:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13271259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chariiots/pseuds/chariiots
Summary: the management of grief is a hard thing.[prompt #97 for winterstar: soonyoung adopts his older sibling's daughter after her parents' sudden death and for some reason wonwoo, soonyoung's best friend, also helps to take care of the kid.]





	flowers blooming in winter nights

**Author's Note:**

> i deviated a bit from the original prompt.... i think......
> 
> full prompt: soonyoung adopts his older sibling's daughter after her parents' sudden death and for some reason wonwoo, soonyoung's best friend, also helps to take care of the kid. now the kid thinks they're married, but in reality, both are in a relationship with different people.

juggling school, work, and dance was never easy in the first place. to have her universe completely thrown off balance, however, is the cherry on top of the disaster-cake called university finals. a phone call, multiple hospital visits, a funeral, and a full month of grieving later, soonyoung finds herself with the custody of kwon siyeon, and a whole new set of responsibilities and problems.

at least, she thinks, wonwoo has her own apartment. otherwise, she’d have to go apartment hunting since the dorms at campus would never let her raise a kid there. at least she has twelve other idiots to fall back on if she needs help, that have been fussing over her ever since the start of everything. it’s not like she has a bad support system, but she still can’t help but feel bad sometimes.

it’s been hard coping with jiyong’s death, considering that he’s been babying her ever since she was born. sometimes, it feels like she didn’t tell him “i love you” enough. sometimes, she regrets being prickly during exam periods, where she’d shove him away sometimes because he was being overbearing when fussing over her health. sometimes, she wishes she had just taken a bit more time out of university to spend with her brother. it’s too late now, though. he’s gone, and there’s nothing much she can do, other than help him take care of siyeon and make sure she grows up to be a bright, talented girl, just like her father.

soonyoung likes to think that jiyong wouldn’t want her to grieve for to long, that he’d rather she pick herself up and keep running. she likes to think that he’s still cheering her on, from wherever he is. so, she’ll dust herself off, and make sure to make jiyong proud.

* * *

[group chat: siyeon protection squad]

stargirl: RED ALERT  
stargirl: whose can watch siyeon tonight?  
stargirl: woo needs to leave the house at 7 so swing by the labs between 1-5 to take keys pls  
stargirl: asked prof for permission thru email, said ok  
soos: oh no… i wish i could help but i have night class today :<  
stargirl: don’t stress babe, i know  
stargirl: you do a lot for me and siyeon alrd~  
covfefe: you two are disgusting  
stargirl: u only say that bc ur single  
covfefe: do you want me to watch her or not?  
stargirl: i take it back ily hoonie  
$$$$$: Soon-ah, are you still doing well? You seem very stressed by your thesis  
$$$$$: Hannie says he wants to go pass you coffee after your lab  
stargirl: i’ll be fine, dw  
stargirl: rough patch only  
₩₩₩: You stress me out sometimes.  
stargirl: you don’t hv to tho?  
₩₩₩: Yes, but you are concerning. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking care of two kids instead of one.  
stargirl: and i appreciate you for that woo!!  
$$$$$: Woo’s right, you should take care of yourself more. You prioritize Siyeon so much that I think it’s wrecking your health. Consider taking less shifts?  
stargirl: but i feel bad about not being able to pay as much for bills as woo already…  
₩₩₩: You can’t pay me if you’re dead, idiot.  
stargirl: i won’t die, idiot  
\- stargirl has went offline -

* * *

 

“woo-yah! dinner is in the fridge!” soonyoung shouts the moment she hears the door open, still trying to wrestle siyeon into changing into her pajamas.

wonwoo walks into a fucking shitstorm. soonyoung’s course notes are everywhere on the dining table, there are toys littered all over the floor (lego! goddamn lego!) and there are so many dirty dishes in the sink that it feels like a dish could fall right out onto the floor at any time. honestly, there’s really no other explanation than kids being a huge fucking hassle, which is pretty shit.

“soon-ah, you good?” wonwoo asks, setting down her school bag next to the kitchen island before helping with the dishes.

soonyoung finally pops out of siyeon’s room with siyeon trailing after her in duck pajamas. “pretty great, actually. look at how cute our siyeonie looks!”

when siyeon tugs at wonwoo’s shirt that night, asking why soonyoung is always so sad, wonwoo knows all she can do is ask siyeon to help take care of soonyoung. wonwoo knows she can’t help. soonyoung just never listens to her anymore, locking her heart away and pretending that yes, she’s over it-

really, who is she convincing here? (no one.)

* * *

to her, coping with grief is like running-

(of course star member of the track team kwon soonyoung would make an analogy about running. it’s the only thing she knows how to do, right?)

so long as she doesn’t stop, it’s okay. but once something trips you up in the middle of a race, it’s hard to find motivation to get back up again, not when you’re so certain that you’ve already lost.

so, she keeps herself busy. she signs up for dance on top of track, applies for more shifts at work, tries to distract herself by entertaining siyeon. she does her back to brush off the fact that jiyong’s gone, but it’s so, so hard. it’s hard to stop thinking when all she wants to do is stop and breathe, but she fears that the moment she stops, all she will do is let herself be swallowed by the guilt.

even if the soles of her shoes wear down, she has no other option.

* * *

“woo, we have a problem,” soonyoung says. the door slams behind her as she carries a sleeping siyeon into her room. seeing that soonyoung just came back from the parent-teacher meeting, does it mean something happened to siyeon- “the kindergarten teachers asked me why siyeon says she has two mothers.”

realizing it’s nothing urgent, wonwoo rolls her eyes and goes back to her overwatch game. “is it that bad if people know you’re-”

“no, that’s not the problem! she thinks we’re her new parents!”

“... oh.” wonwoo’s immediately taken out as she just sits there thinking. “can we blame her, though, she calls both of us mama.”

“still, what if one of us moves out? or… or… “

wonwoo sighs again as she drags soonyoung to sit down on the couch. “soon. we’re already both dating other people. you and i both know we won’t go anywhere until siyeon’s old enough to understand everything that happened. i promise you, i’m not going anywhere. you have nothing to worry about.”

deep breaths, one, two, three, four. “you’re right. i’m sorry. i just…”

soonyoung trails off, but everything is implied. _i just thought you’d leave one day, and i don’t know what to do if that happens._ “it’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. i’m staying here, right by your side.”

 _forever, if possible_ , wonwoo wants to add, but she doesn’t.

* * *

as judgemental as jihoon can be, she still makes a good listening ear. maybe that’s why she’s cooped up in the music studio with jihoon as she spills his heart out.

“jihoon… what do i do? soonyoung’s so convinced that i’m going to leave her someday too. but, i really can’t see myself without her. i don’t want a future where we aren’t close anymore. she just… soonyoung means so much to me, ji. it hurts so much to see her in pain- she keeps beating herself up over jiyong’s death. i just want to see her happy again, no matter what.”

jihoon merely looks up from her laptop and cocks her head as she thinks. “you really aren’t gonna tell her?”

“why should i?” wonwoo scoffs. “who cares about romance when i can barely convince her to see a therapist to help her cope with it.”

“i don’t know, to try your luck and shit. anyway, i won’t force you. you… you’re a good kid, woo. take care of soonyoung for all of us, alright?”

even if jihoon didn’t ask her to, wonwoo would unconditionally. she’d do just about anything for soonyoung unconditionally, so long as it meant that she would be happy.

* * *

somehow, falling out of love was much less dramatic than soonyoung expected. she expected the realization to be something like one mid kiss, where you realize no more sparks fly, where you keep desperately kissing them to try and find that feeling again but you fail. instead, it’s more gentle than that. in this case, it’s looking at jisoo’s eyes trailing after jeonghan and not feeling jealous. it’s knowing deep in her heart, she only sees jisoo as nothing more than a close friend now.

“soo-yah… can i be honest with you?”

jisoo looks up from her homework, eyelashes fluttering beautifully as she tilts her head. the library definitely isn’t the best place to do this, but when will soonyoung ever have the courage to again?

“you stopped loving me, haven’t you?”

soonyoung already knows the answer. although she thought she wouldn’t want to hold on to this long-dead romance, something in her head keeps telling her it can still be saved. but, she can’t keep deceiving herself into believing that this is love. what she feels for jisoo has been friendly affection from the start, and as hard as she tries, she just can’t seem to feel anything more. it’s not like she deserves jisoo’s love anyway. she never did.

“i could say the same for you,” jisoo says softly. she smiles weakly at soonyoung, eyes full of both hurt and sympathy. “i don’t think you ever liked me romantically, did you? correct me if i’m wrong, but you like someone else, right?”

someone else? “i… i didn’t like you romantically, yes, but there’s no ‘someone else’, soo.”

jisoo raises an eyebrow at that, but shrugs and goes back to her work. “we’ll stay friends, right? you’re still one of the closest people to me.”

“always.”

* * *

 

“the leaves are starting to fall,” soonyoung says matter-of-factly as she walks alongside wonwoo, trying her best to keep up with her. “i- it’s hard to believe that winter is coming, huh?” wonwoo pointedly ignores her and keeps walking, acting like she’s nothing more than wind blowing past. “woo, please…”

she stops in her tracks and spins around to face soonyoung, jacket catching in the wind accordingly. she looks so menacing, as if she would rip your head right off if you make one wrong step. “why won’t you go for therapy? i’m sick of you blaming yourself for jiyong’s death. why? why do you want to put yourself through such misery? soonie- i- i don’t want to see you cry anymore.”

“you know why i do?” soonyoung says immediately, fighting back tears. wonwoo doesn’t want to see her cry, right? “because it is. i didn’t spend enough time with him. i didn’t support him after he fell out with our parents, and god! if i gave him that bit of support, he wouldn’t- he wouldn’t have to work so hard. i could’ve gave him some of my earnings, i could’ve helped him take care of siyeon, but i… i didn’t do anything more than the occasional call. if i helped him, he wouldn’t have overworked, or be working that night shift, and he wouldn’t have been going home and- and… i’m a selfish bitch, jeon wonwoo. i deserve to die.”

soonyoung’s trembling like mad, hiccuping in between words as she tries so, so hard to not cry. but, she still feels tears hot against her cheeks, and she immediately looks away. god, so fucking useless, can’t even stop herself from crying-

wonwoo takes off her coat before gently wrapping soonyoung with it. “you’re such an idiot, kwon soonyoung. you chased me all the way out without a jacket. you’ll catch a cold.”

“woo…”

“i should’ve watched my words- it isn’t your fault, soonie. there’s nothing to blame yourself for. and besides, jiyong would want to see you happy. we’re gonna raise siyeon to become the sweetest girl ever, and give her a nice home, alright? jiyong would be happy if we did that for him, don’t you think.”

soonyoung’s still sobbing uncontrollably, leaning against wonwoo’s chest as she tries to calm herself down, but wonwoo knows she’ll understand reason. she’s been through a lot, and she’ll pull through like always. even if she’s struggling, she has wonwoo by her side, and that won’t change, not for years.

* * *

 thursdays are nice days. it means that both soonyoung and wonwoo can sleep in if they wanted to, could get lunch together if they wanted to. it’s become soonyoung’s therapy day, and wonwoo feels absolutely terrible if she has to be on her own for most of the day.

“you didn’t have to reschedule your lessons for me, you know?” soonyoung mutters as she curls up closer to wonwoo, leaning on her shoulder. wonwoo opens the book wider, not saying anything. “i feel kind of bad that the rest of your days are now so packed.”

“don’t feel bad, i did it because i wanted to. besides, it’s good for me to take a break. i’d forget that i’d need to rest without you.”

“damn, you’re finally realizing that you’re a robot?”

“i am not a robot, thank you very much-”

“it’s okay, you’d always be my favorite robot,” soonyoung says teasingly, but wonwoo can feel her cheeks heat up at that. such an innocuous comment, how can she let it get to her so easily? if she lets herself believe for a second that soonyoung meant it in any way other than “you’re my best friend”, she would be preparing herself to be let down. then again, is it really that bad to believe that she has even a little hope?

* * *

it’s not a surprise since she expected her and junhui to break up from the start. it’s not that they’re going through a rough patch or anything, it’s just… neither of them love each other anymore, and well, junhui agrees. hell, when they went on their first date, wonwoo only agreed because she was too awkward to say no. the breakup isn’t painful, but it just feels weird to not be dating anymore.

“you what?!” soonyoung shouts in the middle of the diner, and even siyeon looks at her with disdain.

“mama-soon, mama-woo says we shouldn’t be loud in public,” she tuts- being tutted by a toddler, a brand new low.

“sorry, baby. woo-ah, why didn’t you tell me earlier! are you holding up well-”

wonwoo sighs as she slowly cuts up a plate of pancakes for siyeon. “it was a mutual thing. i wasn’t really that into her anyway. you’re being overdramatic. yeonnie, say ah.”

soonyoung opens her mouth to talk, but wonwoo shoves a forkful of pancakes into her mouth to interrupt her. it’s tiring, having everyone ask her about why they broke up. it’s just a part of life, isn’t it? you fall in love, perhaps you date, perhaps you fall out of love. there’s nothing much to it, yet everyone acts like such a big deal.

somehow, she feels worse about not feeling much about their breakup than actually feeling upset over it. the root of the word break-up doesn’t stem from the word heartbreak, it’s just an unfortunate side effect that doesn’t impact all. it stems from the breaking of a romantic relationship, not necessarily the whole bond, and she wished people could just see it that way.

“we’re still friends, if that’s what you want to ask. neither of us are really upset about it; i guess we just saw it coming? look, break-ups don’t all have to be dramatic. i mean, you and jisoo-”

“please, let’s not talk about that. it still feels like it was out of pity,” soonyoung says as she sulks. “just eat your breakfast, you’ve barely touched it and you have a lecture in two hours, right?”

wonwoo laughs at her, heart swelling at how happy soonyoung is nowadays. her attendance is almost perfect anyway… “the professor cancelled it. so, do you want to do anything later?”

* * *

 

maybe, coping with grief is like running, but not in the way that she thought.

it's standing at the starting line, where you can't seem to make any progress. maybe the starter pistol just won't fire, and you're stuck. maybe you don't have the energy to move at all. either way, the race doesn't start until the pistol fires, till you manage to guide yourself onto the right track for recovery.

as you run, you progress more and more. maybe for now, you need crutches to help you walk. maybe you’re walking, not running, and that’s alright. everyone recovers at different speeds. you’ll get there someday, a point where you don’t need anything to help you anymore, a point where you can look back and say that you’re in a better place now. you don’t need to fully heal. progress is good enough, baby steps still count as steps.

even if the soles of her shoes wear down, she has her friends to fall back on.

* * *

it’s been a year of realizations for soonyoung. she’s growing as a person, accepting all the help offered and doing her best to get better. yet, it doesn’t seem like it’s all about her mental health.

the more she thinks about jisoo’s words, her hinting that she liked someone else when they were dating, the more the fog starts to lift. it’s wonwoo all this while. it’s always been wonwoo for her, ever since the start.

realization and fear sink in. what if wonwoo chooses to leave her after she finds out? maybe it’s this anxiety that drives her to going back to jihoon’s dorm, curled up into a small ball on the bed as jihoon continues to do her homework.

“ji, i think i like wonwoo.”

“your point?” jihoon says, monotone. perhaps too many people have come to her for advice; it seems like everyone she knows does anyway.

“what if-”

“okay, hold it right there. i know what you’re gonna say, you’re going to ask if wonwoo will leave you. it’s a fact of life that she won’t, okay. she likes you back, trust me. so can you settle this with her so that both of you will stop complaining to me?” jihoon snaps. well… as harsh as her advice is, jihoon means well, and soonyoung knows. the only problem is, what is she meant to do with this information now?

“tell her, kwon,” jihoon says slowly. “before it’s too late and you regret it.” with that, jihoon turns back to her work, leaving soonyoung alone with her thoughts.

* * *

wonwoo wakes up to rustling at the front door, and for a second she worries that it’s a burglar. but then again, even if it is, they really have nothing for anyone to steal. she should probably still check though, so she gets up and treks to the front door, glasses nearly poking her eye out when she puts them on.

“kwon, what the fuck? it’s four a.m.”

soonyoung turns around in a daze, keys in one hand and wallet still on the counter. for gods sake, she’s still in her pajamas, but she doesn’t seem to care. “mcdonalds before siyeon wakes up, you up for it?” soonyoung keeps fidgeting, constantly wringing her hands. there’s no way she can say no, not when soonyoung looks so distressed.

there’s no reason to not be there for her. wonwoo and soonyoung leave a note on the fridge for siyeon in case she wakes up in the middle of the night, and they start to walk to mcdonalds together. the pajamas don’t really keep them warm, but it’s four in the morning, who cares?

watching soonyoung eat is enough to keep her happy, really. she looks like a little hamster when she tries to stuff her cheeks, but now, she’s just staring blankly at the tray in front of her.

“i like you.”

“wha-”

“i like you,” soonyoung repeats, slower. “and i don’t know what to do about it. i know you don’t like me back, i know how undesirable i am, but please don’t stop caring for me just because of that.”

wonwoo stays silent, too shocked to reply. “i mean, you can hate me for it, i don’t mind! i’m surprised you don’t already hate me, but siyeon- siyeon’s innocent in this, and she thinks we’re her parents, and- i- can we at least raise her together until she understands more? you don’t have to pretend to love me, really! just, help me take care of her ‘n stuff. please? you don’t have to give an immediate answer, just think about it at least.”

“you’re an idiot.”

“what?” she looks back at wonwoo, starting to tear up again.

“kwon soonyoung, you’re such an idiot. i thought it was obvious- jihoon told me it was so obvious that i like you! i thought you were just ignoring it because you wanted to let me down gently-”

“can i kiss you?”

“i… public-”

“yes, or no? it’s okay if you want to say no, i won’t force you-”

“yes. please do.”

the kiss is soft and sad and overdue by so long, but her hands are cupping the cheeks of her idiot. there is a hand resting on the back of her neck and another on her hand. maybe the mcdonalds cashier is staring. probably. maybe a customer just walked in and walked straight out in disgust. it’s okay. it’s all okay for now. after they go home and sleep and wake up, there will be a new set of problems to face again, but at least they have a future to look forward to.

* * *

“hey, jiyong. it’s been quite a while since i last visited you, huh? maybe next year i can bring siyeon, when she understands death a little more. but i think you’d disagree. you’d probably want me to protect her from reality as much as i can.” soonyoung plays with the petal of a rose nervously, kneeling down in front of jiyong’s tombstone. wonwoo helped her pick the bouquet, a single red rose among white carnations to denote respect and enduring love.

“i brought wonwoo with me. i told you about her before, right? remember her? my best friend since the start of uni. i… i wish you could meet her in person, but… we’re dating now! are you proud of me? i’m so much happier now, and i’m learning how to better deal with my grief ‘n stuff. you don’t have to worry about me anymore, okay?”

“hello, jiyong-ssi. i’m jeon wonwoo, and i promise to take good care of your sister. i- uh… yeah. i’ve heard a lot about you from soonyoung, and she really does love you a lot, so it means lots to me that she’d bring me here with her. siyeon’s doing very well. her teachers praise her a lot.”

“yeah! the teachers all say she’s very smart and helpful. you really did bring her up well. also, my nightmares have stopped, and i don’t think they’ll come back. or, at least, i hope they don’t. i’ll try to visit you more often from now on, jiyong!”

soonyoung’s humming softly the whole way home, spacing out and smiling to herself. “hey woo, you know? thanks for not giving up on me.”

“i said i’d stay with you forever, didn’t i?”

“... yeah. you did.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know man but the title was supposed to be like "hope in dark places" but i ended up with some running motif i don't know,,,,,,
> 
> [prompt me!](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> social media: [tumblr](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/chariiots) | [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/woozwhy)


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